I ran 55 miles last week – the most I have ever run in a week, in all my life! This week I’m cutting back and hitting 48. The fact that 48 miles = cutting back these days, really tells me how much things have changed. My long run today was “just” 14 miles – a nice break when you think about the fact that I ran 20 miles on a treadmill last Saturday. I mean, really.
One year ago today was my due date – I was about to give birth to baby #3 (he was late by 5 days) and one mile seemed like a huge journey to me. One mile was a huge journey for me.
|Me & My BIG Belly ~ Due Date: 1/28/11|
(Don’t I look happy in that picture? I have had three babies and two of them were born after their due dates. I prefer when they are early, but of course they are always worth the wait!!!)
Today I ran 14 “easy” miles, and as I ran I thought about where I was exactly one year ago, and how I would never have been able to imagine the life I am living today. I remembered how I was feeling back then, filled with wonder and – I’ll be honest – FEAR, about how I was going to balance it all after the baby came. I really had no idea how I was going to handle a new baby plus two young children plus my business, plus my teaching, plus all my responsibilities at home, plus my position on the board of the preschool (handling a major renovation project), plus making the time for my running and whatever else I wasn’t thinking of. I was EXCITED beyond words — but I was also totally freaked out.
Amidst all of the anxiety about the unknown though, there was a very strong sense of peace inside of me. A confidence and a love that was steadfast and strong. I would take it one step at a time, one day at a time. In my heart, I just knew it would all be okay.
What I didn’t know was that it would be THIS GREAT.
|I could not have imagined him.|
As I ran today, I smiled (I’m pretty sure the entire way). Gratitude washed over me. It has been an amazing year. It has not been easy. But it has been worth every sleepless night. Worth every moment of chaos and confusion. Every instance when I felt like giving up or giving in – but didn’t. Every step I have taken.
I have some anxiety and some fear about the race I am training for and the goal I am going after. My running is in a place that I have never been to before. Running 48 miles as a recovery week is insane to me. That’s a lot of miles! Running an 8:27/mile average pace for a 14 mile long run is insane to me. That’s really fast! But it is where I am and where I am meant to be. I need to trust in that and go with it. I need to listen to my heart, to that voice inside of me that assures me that I am strong enough for this.
My splits from today’s long run ~
Mile 1 – 8:50
Mile 2 – 8:54
Mile 3 – 8:57
Mile 4 – 8:29
Mile 5 – 8:21
Mile 6 – 8:16
Mile 7 – 8:30
Mile 8 – 8:11
Mile 9 – 8:32
Mile 10 – 8:27
Mile 11 – 8:24
Mile 12 – 8:03
Mile 13 – 8:13
Mile 14 – 8:06
It is all going to be okay. Maybe even more than okay. Maybe GREAT.